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Tag Archives: Leukemia

August 1, 2011

My Day of Sorrow

Fresh From The Oven

Today is the ten year anniversary of the death of my daughter. Evey year I know its coming, but it still hits me like a hammer blow to the stomach. I would be lying if I didn't say that it has gotten a little easier to deal with as the years have gone by, but easier is a very relative thing. I no longer spend the day crying. I can function reasonably well at work. I don't have to fight the urge to get completely and utterly wasted. I do fight back the tears from time to time. I look at her picture periodically and wonder what she would look like today and what she would be. I promised last month to share more of the story of my daughter, so here it is. Continue reading →

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Filed under Family, Pictures

Tagged as baby, cancer, Cough, Death, Family, flowers, Grave, Hailey, hospital, Leukemia, North Carolina

July 7, 2011

She Would Be Ten

Ten years ago my wife gave birth to my little girl. The labor had been long and uncomfortable for my wife and ended in a C-Section ultimately. I was in the operating room holding stroking my wife's hair and speaking words of encouragement. We didn't know what we were having and the anticipation was killing us. I'll admit I hid behind the little fabric surgery screen by my wife's head, not wanting to see her cut open and when they pulled her out and asked if I wanted to cut the umbilcol chord I said no and maintained my position. I absolutely did not want to be finting in the OR and have the first moment's of my daughter's life sullied by the bad cliche that is her father. I was completely unprepared for how much I loved that little girl. The C-Section and a couple of complications kept my wife pretty inactive for the first week or so. Consequently I spent a lot of time with my little Hailey bug, reading to her in the morning (Dragons of Autumn Twilight (April 1984), Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman) and strapping her to my chest and walking to the corner store for eggs and turkey bacon. She was my princess.

My Little Hailey Bug at Two Weeks Old

We had her for less than a month when she passed away suddenly. She was there one day and gone the next. I don't want to go into the details now and I'll share some of that later, but she was taken away from us far too quickly. She was my light and I miss her still. I often think about what she would be like if she were still alive. She would be heading into fifth grade this next year. God...fifth...grade. I imagine her being very girly but with a strong streek of geek in her. She would probably be driven insane by her younger brothers, but would defend them mercilessly outside of our home. She would be a shopaholic like her mother and have the boys coming around all the time. I would own a shotgun...a big scary looking one...kept in a locked glass case near the front door so all of the potential suitors could see it. I imagine her sitting on the couch snuggled up next to me watching Star Wars, covered up by a blanket to stay warm despite it being the summer. I miss her. Happy Birthday Hailey Thompson Swett. You still light up my life.